Kara Crabb never looks entirely comfortable gargling her own pee. Confirm for yourself by watching her pee video at this link. (Warning: Video is about a girl gargling her own pee.)
You should be aware that the video is not sexy, it is committed investigative journalism shot with a hand-cam in a dimly lit bathroom. Thus, it might be safe for work, depending on how fucked your workplace is. Are you a janitor? Do you mop the floors of XXX theaters or hotel rooms? It’s safe for you.
But forget safe. It’s also hilarious!
To celebrate my completion of my pee-story Yellow Summer, I went on an internet search for other pee stories and experiences.
I thought it would be easy. If you type “p” in Google it autocompletes “Piss-happy wives who won’t leave you alone.” At least it does on my husband’s computer.
But believe it or not, there is very little first-person reportage on the Internet, compared to straight-up pee-porn.
The pee-porn was fine, but maybe being a mother (and training dogs to be house broken) has rinsed away all the inherent romance of urination. How are you supposed to get turned on if your children are running around like leaky hot-water-bottles? And this, by the way, is the main reason I don’t spank my kids, or force them to eat broccoli—I need to keep some things sacred for the bedroom.
Kara Crabb writes:
Throughout my family vacation I kept sneaking off to the bathroom to read Urine Therapy, and eventually pee became my answer to every problem. My father felt sick to his stomach, so I explained how drinking urine relieves nausea. My mother said she felt fat, so I told her about a remedy for obesity, which involves wrapping your body in urine and plastic wrap for two hours a day. My brother complained about a pain in his ear, so I urged him to “put some pee in it.” Soon it got out of control, and by the end of the vacation everybody knew that I was fucking around with my own piss…
If Lanna from Yellow Summer had a possé, Kara would be in it.
Incidentally, ladies, if you would like to get swamped by admiring male attention, simply post videos of yourself gargling pee. It’s that easy. Here are Kara’s love letters.
Just think about it: you can post your video and then wallow in confirming emails like a stripper on a bed of $20 bills.
The back-and-forth would go something like this:
“Oh, that viddy? Just a little pee stuff. Nothing special. Just ma Tuesday niiights.—You want me to what now? My what with your what? And insert it where!?? You can’t use shitake mushrooms that way! Help! Can someone tell me how I can disinfect my Gmail?”
Read it today! It’s golden. —Via Pee in My Mouth | VICE.