Review: The Alien’s Army: Alien Egg Implantation

Short story review: The Alien's Army: Alien Egg Implantation, by Sierra Chambers.

Short story review: The Alien’s Army: Alien Egg Implantation, by Sierra Chambers.

Premise 1: I’ve always been something of a sci-fi connaisseur, except that I can’t spell that word. Just sound it out, and you’ll know what I’ve always been something of.

Premise 2: Erotica is the great under-acknowledged steam engine of ebook sales on Amazon. This means that the humble erotica author is driving our society toward a technological golden age. We contribute less to technology adoption than the porn industry, but more than, say, technically enabled husbands of hotwives.

So when the erotic supply lines firm up for Google Glass, erotica writers will be somewhere around #2 or #3 in terms of making it a mass market product. Everybody will buy a Google Glass, but they’ll make dumb-ass justifications while secretly downloading gigabytes of porn and stories. Nobody will acknowledge this. All we’ll see from the other side of the glasses are heaving breasts or a giant erection, while the wearer claims to be playing Candy Crush.

Review

Because I love sci-fi, I picked up “The Alien’s Army: Alien Egg Implantation” by Sierra Chambers. Because I like supporting hardworking erotica authors, here’s a quick review!

“The Alien’s Army: Alien Egg Implantation” is billed as a tentacle / implantation / instant pregnancy story, which is not my thing, so I wasn’t sure if I’d like it. I totally liked it. Maybe tentacles are my thing. The story itself is fast and readable at 5,000 words; you can finish it in an afternoon, though you might find yourself taking a break in the middle to cool off. The story packs a nice wallop, with implantation, pregnancy, egg-laying, and not one but two different kinds of tentacle adventures. All of it culminating in the sci-fi version of an alpha-male/billionaire romance.

Hanna Winters is a futuristic Lara Croft-type mercenary who takes the dangerous jobs nobody else can handle. Unfortunately for Hanna, nobody’s hiring at the moment, and her overdue bills are piling up. So when a mysterious alien flunkie offers her a million crowns to travel to a distant planet and meet its boss for a job, she has to agree. She knows something is “off” with the offer, but she figures she can handle it.

Jump-cut to the planet, where things quickly go wrong. The natives are very “friendly”, if that’s the word, and Hanna loses her clothing piece by piece. When she finally gets to the boss round, she finds a verrrry interesting alpha warlord who makes an offer she doesn’t expect.

This is a quick, fun read, and it reminded me of early pulp sci-fi. Note: “The Alien’s Army” will not change the direction of western literature (in fairness, it doesn’t try to be fancy). One or two lines of dialog are clunkers, but those may have been intentional because they add to the story’s campy charm.

This story is fast-moving and entertaining. The sex is full of interesting details, and I now get the point of becoming a semi-consenting alien spawn point. More than a few women I know would probably sell their house to buy tickets to Planet X, just to meet Hanna’s sexy love interest. His “tool” has the most fabulous add-on you can imagine.

If you don’t think you like tentacles, this is a great story to try. If you DO like tentacles, what are you waiting for? Give it a read!

An actual poster you can buy on eBay.

An actual poster you can buy on eBay!

Antoinette’s Interview: She gets to talk now

I wrote the introduction to this interview last week (read it!). Like most things Lindsey, the introduction got out of hand.

Funny goat long hair picture

Hey maaaaan. Not cool.
(Picture credit: laughingtime.com)

Tentacles. Gaypires. Telepaths. French courtiers. Confessions that I’m confused by reality. My circle of friends folding into one meta-friend. I may have slaughtered a goat. I can’t tell for sure until I clean up all this blood.

It’s just that author Antoinette M— gets you excited in ways you can’t anticipate… add that to the list of good reasons to keep a supply of goats. So now that you’re turned on and all, let’s tear off the duct tape and see what Antoinette M— says.

Q1. For most writers, inspiration comes a single place. It could be a general theme or a basic idea, but it leaks in because they’re actually obsessed with it. What drives your writing? What always shows up when you write?

It’s funny, because I’m taking a writing class with Shanna Germain [ed.— This interview was taken in late 2012], and she talks about how editors tend to have their things, and if you read an anthology put together by them, each story will contain this one element. Despite their best efforts, they can’t beat that one kink out of themselves.

For me, it’s probably ass play. Not like “she must have an anus of steel” porno ass play either, but oftentimes gentler stimulation, just some rubbing. In some contexts, buttholes are wonderful things to play with. I think more people would be into ass play if it was presented more as, “Can I touch your asshole?” vs. “Can I put my penis in your ass?”

Vonnegut asshole

Vonnegut enjoyed light ass-play, too. Literary allusion! (Breakfast of Champions.)

I think if you start with the rubbing, you’ll work your way up to, ahem, bigger things. I think I have only one story that lacks ass play. Oddly enough, it’s about two gay men, but it’s their first time together.

As far as inspiration goes, that I just get it from everywhere. My husband complaining about his boss sparked an idea for a dirty story. Watching Bravo’s Real Housewives, sexy scenarios leap out at me. I look at search terms people use to find my blog, and I get story ideas from there.

Q2. You write awesome girl-on-the-street stories with relatable, funny women. But you also write riveting, fully-realized supernatural stories. In the Smutwriter’s Short Smut Vol 1 Anthology (free on Smashwords!), you connect both worlds with a story called “Internet Dating Bites.” Your poor heroine is going to be a Vampire’s after-dinner snack until she finds a way to turn things around (is there anything a BJ can’t do?). Which do you enjoy writing more—real-life stories, or supernatural stories?

Both. I’ve found I’ve gotten stuck in writing things, but I don’t think I’ve ever written anything that I didn’t enjoy. Each have different elements to play with. When I’m writing something more realistic, I can draw heavily on my own experiences. The apartment described in Love on the 500 was my studio. Notice how my women tend to have cluttered apartments? There’s a reason for that.

With paranormal stories, you get to write your own mythologies. “Internet Dating Bites” started as short piece, but expanded into a novelette. I got to make up how vampires work, and how werewolves are created. I asked myself, “Are vampires static, do they change?” I decided that yes, vampires made a very long time ago are different from vampires made today. Working with stories like this is in some ways like writing a sonnet. The restrictions help you to be more creative.

Working with stories like this is in some ways like writing a sonnet. The restrictions help you to be more creative.

Q3. I couldn’t stop laughing at some of the scenes in your story. Do you think humor has a place in erotica, or does it merely distract from the sexiness? When people “get down to business” with each other, they get serious and intent—and so do the readers.

I’m asking for myself. I can’t not use a joke, but I always have to be careful not to ruin the mood. What is the sexiest undercurrent for a story—Humor? Danger? Arousal? Lab work?

The Vampire's Gallery, by Antoinette M—

“That’s not why I’m crying,” I said. “Honestly, if I didn’t get eaten by a vampire, I’d just end up falling down the stairs, or getting hit by a bus, or something stupid.” I sniveled on his chest, staining his clean shirt with snot and tears. “It’s just, I haven’t gotten laid since college, that’s five years. Fuck man, that’s no way to go.”

He let me go, threw his head back, and just howled. He held his sides and chortled.

“Great, even better, my murderer is laughing in my face.” As his peals of laughter washed over me, my head cleared, and I leapt for the door.

Jamie was faster. “You’re not escaping.”

I scowled at him.

“Now that we’re done with this nonsense, are you ready to die?”

“No.” I dropped to my knees, tore open his pants, and stuffed his flaccid cock in my mouth.

“Oh,” he said.

(From The Vampire’s Gallery)

It’s funny that you mention humor. People were discussing ridiculous ways people describe gentalia in my smut writers class, and someone mentioned a man’s member being described as a Coke can, which she thought was absurd.

I said to myself, “OMG, I did that in one of my stories, why did I do that?”

It was because I wanted to interject a little humor into the situation. In the case of “Internet Dating Bites” I think it was important because Jamie is threatening Maria’s life, and the story is supposed to be more sexy than scary. The humor helps to keep it sexy, because it keeps the tone light. We’re not thinking about how she’s going to die, but rather that she seems to be taking the whole thing rather well. —And really, a Coke can? If she’s completely terrified, it’s just not going to work with the storyline of them being together.

Jamie isn’t helping things either. She manages this confession, and then he starts laughing at her. His reaction to her advances is decidedly tepid. She keeps going anyway.

I have another story with darker elements, where the character is afraid, but it works there. He’s been kidnapped, he’s stuck in a cave, and this weird alien wants in his pants. I think even one of your vibrant bouncy girls would whine about it. Humor (other than biting sarcasm) wouldn’t work there.

Geordilovescthulhu antoinettem 600x900

Wins “Best Cover for Story Least Likely to Work, But Totally Does”

That was the story where I finally learned to spell “Cthulhu.” It was like graduating college. (I had one remaining elective, and I chose gay dubious-consent tentacle sex romance.)

Whatever undertone a story has, it to fit that narrative. Your stories are delightfully light-hearted. Humor is the perfect pairing for them. A serious undertone, one of horror, something melancholy, would be awkward and unnatural. Jocular, flippant, breezy, works for you.

Q4. So what is the main thing that you see in your stories, which you think could be your main message? What should people pull out of your erotica, and your characters?

Anal is awesome, and you don’t have to be all up in there. Gentle, non-penetrative touches are also nice. So are literary allusions. I hope to provide a stimulating experience for both mind and body.

What’s coming up next from Antoinette M—… can you give us a preview of the next six months? And what is one of your long range dream projects?

Wandering into the wonderful world of m/m, with Geordi Loves Cthulhu, which should be out soon [Ed. —It’s out! It’s great!]. It’s a dubious consent sci-fi story. Another story I have coming out is Soda and Lime, which has been so much fun to work on.

I was lucky enough to see early versions of Soda and Lime. It’s a world so immersive, it has its own Pinterest boards! Here’s the sneak preview of Soda and Lime from Antoinette M—’s blog, and here’s the Soda and Lime pinterest for my favorite city, The Big Apple! Keep an eye out for this book when it launches.

Thank you, Antoinette M—, for sitting down with us! Hug-hug. Oops. Goat blood.

Anyway, when Antoinette M—‘s next book drops, I know I’ll gush about it on this blog, so stay tuned! Thanks for reading!