How to write futbol-sploitation

“I live a sheltered life that revolves around paperwork, family, and depraved dumpster sex, so I wasn’t aware that the 2014 FIFA Soccer World Cup is running in Brazil.”

(My new how-to article about futbol-sploitation and other erotica tie-ins is live on Smutwriters! Read it here!)

Free Erotica Anthology!

Smutwriter's Anthology: Short Smut Volume 2

Smutwriter’s Anthology: Short Smut Volume 2 (Free except on Amazon.)

I told you I was a big deal.

  • Here’s the good news: My ridiculously hot eromantica short, Carnie Ride is available in the Smutwriter’s II Anthology!
  • Here’s the bad news, which is simply more good news: To get to my story Carnie Ride, you have to read through 11 other ridiculously hot short stories in genres like femdom, bdsm, menage, exhibitionism, shifting, and paranormal. Authors like Skye Warren and Aubrey Watt (and me!) start you up like a bad day and finish you like a plate of spaghetti. (A sexy plate of spaghetti.)
  • More good news: It’s free! (Except Amazon for now…)
  • Here’s just a news tidbit: I think I invented that word “eromantica” as a genre.
  • This just in: I didn’t invent “eromantica” as a genre. Here is an eromantican listing on GoodReads. Glad we settled that!

The Smutwriters are the band of erotica-writing geniuses who publish the Smutwriters Magazine.

It bears repeating:

Our erotica will start you like a bad day and finish you like a plate of spaghetti.

Links, author and back cover blurb after the jump!  Continue reading

Vampires and Tentacles and Sex, Oh My!

This was going to be my introduction to an interview, but it turned into a whole blog post! What kept me gushing?

Local Woman Stalked by Telepathic Coven--And LOVES it!! (Pictured: Not me being stalked.)

Local Woman Stalked by Telepathic Coven–And LOVES it!!
(Pictured: Not me being stalked.)

Last summer, I dove into erotica writing and ebook publishing. It’s a large and fascinating world, full of prolific, funny, and sexy writers.

For the first few wonderful weeks, I corresponded with a bevy of diverse and fascinating women. Let’s call them by their initials, AM, RR, JM, and URK. The more we talked, the more these women merged into a single fascinating woman in my mind. I would pick up a conversation with RR where I left off with JM, and then I’d bring AM into it.

I do this with everybody in my life, but with AM, RR, JM, and URK, it actually worked! I don’t remember what I thought was going on… telepathic coven? Whatevs. Bring it. When it comes to making friends, I’m about level with Nancy Grace… yet now I finally had a social circle of my own. Awesome. 

If I’d been paying attention, I would have known that AM, RR, JM, and URK are actually one person, not a fabulously supportive coven. It wasn’t exactly a secret.

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So… Meet Antoinette M—, an author so diverse, interesting, and well-informed, she’ll make you feel like an underachiever if you only have two split personalities.

On her blog, Antoinette covers beer, meatloaf, etiquette and sex among French courtiers, GMOs and science-y stuff, how to slice up lab animals (not gonna link it), more beer, romantic dog-park meet-ups, hard-boiled Vampire noir, serial free smut stories, and her adventures in smut publishing.

Wondering how she relaxes? That’s right. She fucking writes more. Antoinette is a fabulous editor and beta reader, and she chronicles her journey into the art and craft of writing at SmutWriters.com, a blog-collective she helped found.

Some of Antoinette’s work…

Geordilovescthulhu antoinettem 600x900

Wins “Best Cover for Story Least Likely to Work, But Totally Does”

Antoinette writes closely-observed, character-driven erotica about gropers, dominance, M/M, M/F, tentacles, vampires, and gaypires. When it comes to erotica, she has more enthusiasm, skill, and experience than a sorority house full of nymphomaniacs. And she’s easier to tell apart.

Antoinette’s story A Tale of Two Clitties puts the “Dick” in Dickens. I talk about it here. The plot is a wall-to-wall f***k-fest walking around in the literary equivalent of a sling bikini… and it keeps dropping things in front of you and bending over. You want to lend a hand, but your hand is already busy.

Then there’s the freshly-released A Vampire’s Gallery, already five stars on Amazon. I devoured it front-to-back in beta, and I’m late writing a review of it.

I also love Geordi Loves Cluthu, which has about as understated a cover as a gay alien tentacle porn abduction erotica story can possibly have. This cover should win an award. What you can’t tell when you buy the book, is that the tentacle is about to slap some sexy into you. This is the first M/M story I read that made me go MMMMMMMM. Antoinette brings you out of your comfort zone, and you never want to go back.

The Interview

That’s a lot of info about this energetic, up-and-coming eroti-dramatrix… but if you’re like me, you wonder about Antoinette M— the property.

  • What does she eat?
  • How do science and fantasy collide in her life?
  • Where is her writing taking her?
  • How big is her dog?
  • Is that just a euphemism?

Stay tuned for my invasive questioning, coming Monday!

Free eBook with a new Lindsey story!

Cover for The Full Girlfriend Experience

“The Full Girlfriend Experience” is part of the Short Smut, Vol 1 anthology!! Woo-hoo!
(Cover photo: © the astonishing Can Büyükkalkan.)

Questions:

  1. Do you have a constant need for sexual gratification, like me?
  2. Do you have a very short attention span, like me?
  3. Do you impulse-buy everything so you never have extra cash, like me?
  4. Do you want a super-sexy book cover on your Kindle, like me?

If you said “yes” to four or more of the above, you might just be me. In the event that you are not me, take a look at “Short Smut,” a free erotic-romance ebook on Smashwords!

The Smutwriters are a group of ninja-grade erotic romance writers. We write an online magazine every week. If you’re into writing, or smut, or even just clicking links while making “bloop bloop” sounds, you should visit.

Each of us Smutwriters contributed a short story to Short Smut. The result is an amazing collection of stories with sex and an amazing amount of romance. Best of all, it’s free! Download it for PDF, Kindle, and other ebook readers today! It’s a click away! Bloop bloop!

Question: If it’s so free, how come it’s free?
Answer: Volume! 

My story in the ebook is The Full Girlfriend Experience—a dangerous road trip into a forbidden sexual world. Beautiful Lorelei is tempted and taunted by her domineering boyfriend into selling herself for gas money. Spoiler alert: she loves it. Spoiler #2: the story has a French guy!

Here’s a longer description of the free ebook.

Short Smut, Volume 1Short Smut (Vol. 1)

Six working erotic writers pool together their special stories—stories too vivid, too short, too personal, or too wild to fit into longer projects. These tales veer through dominance, addiction, prostitution, orgies, vampire seduction, and all-out blistering sex. When the dust settles, the sweet, surprising heartbeat underlying every story is—love.

There are a thousand ways to be in love:

  • Wyle and Melissa almost lose everything to obsession.
  • Ari and Siobhan explore possession, sharing, and submission.
  • Chris and Nick break up, but the romance never stops.
  • Ben and Adair find love in four minutes—but it takes a few months.
  • Maria anchors her otherworldly lover, Jamie, to her body.
  • Lorelei passionately loves every man she meets—the money is a bonus.

The SmutWriters invite you to an evening’s bubble-bath of: Internet dating gone wrong. Emotionally complicated movie stars. Seedy bus stations full of rumpled, horny men. One-percenter orgies in opulent mansions. Girls accidentally seducing vampires. Teasing temp workers. French soldiers with chiseled torsos and killer accents. Sexy girlfriends willing to be shared at costume parties. A man afraid of commitment, and the man who won’t let him go.

FemDom, BDSM, Supernatural, Prostitution, Rough Sex, Group Sex, Anal, M/M, M/F, MM+/FF+ —all of it leading back to love. This is erotica with a romantic heart and an erection.

Download the book for free today!

(Or, if you’re a crazy person, you can wait and buy my story on Amazon later…)

So if I’m blonde do I need to edit my writing?

Photo credit: yimmy149 @ facebook

I’m cute. Buy my porn?
(Photo credit: yimmy149 @ facebook)

My philosophy is, if you can look good in an author profile pic, you don’t need to edit your erotica. To look good, you have to:

  • stretch out on bed so your stomach doesn’t bulge
  • tilt your head back so your chin doesn’t double up
  • hug your chest so your breasts pop
  • hold the camera steady at 80% cleavage, 10% lips, 10% messy bedroom

Result: pure sexiness. Watch out, Dora, we have a new explora!

Read more to learn my awesome approach to editing… Continue reading