Review: The Alien’s Army: Alien Egg Implantation

Short story review: The Alien's Army: Alien Egg Implantation, by Sierra Chambers.

Short story review: The Alien’s Army: Alien Egg Implantation, by Sierra Chambers.

Premise 1: I’ve always been something of a sci-fi connaisseur, except that I can’t spell that word. Just sound it out, and you’ll know what I’ve always been something of.

Premise 2: Erotica is the great under-acknowledged steam engine of ebook sales on Amazon. This means that the humble erotica author is driving our society toward a technological golden age. We contribute less to technology adoption than the porn industry, but more than, say, technically enabled husbands of hotwives.

So when the erotic supply lines firm up for Google Glass, erotica writers will be somewhere around #2 or #3 in terms of making it a mass market product. Everybody will buy a Google Glass, but they’ll make dumb-ass justifications while secretly downloading gigabytes of porn and stories. Nobody will acknowledge this. All we’ll see from the other side of the glasses are heaving breasts or a giant erection, while the wearer claims to be playing Candy Crush.

Review

Because I love sci-fi, I picked up “The Alien’s Army: Alien Egg Implantation” by Sierra Chambers. Because I like supporting hardworking erotica authors, here’s a quick review!

“The Alien’s Army: Alien Egg Implantation” is billed as a tentacle / implantation / instant pregnancy story, which is not my thing, so I wasn’t sure if I’d like it. I totally liked it. Maybe tentacles are my thing. The story itself is fast and readable at 5,000 words; you can finish it in an afternoon, though you might find yourself taking a break in the middle to cool off. The story packs a nice wallop, with implantation, pregnancy, egg-laying, and not one but two different kinds of tentacle adventures. All of it culminating in the sci-fi version of an alpha-male/billionaire romance.

Hanna Winters is a futuristic Lara Croft-type mercenary who takes the dangerous jobs nobody else can handle. Unfortunately for Hanna, nobody’s hiring at the moment, and her overdue bills are piling up. So when a mysterious alien flunkie offers her a million crowns to travel to a distant planet and meet its boss for a job, she has to agree. She knows something is “off” with the offer, but she figures she can handle it.

Jump-cut to the planet, where things quickly go wrong. The natives are very “friendly”, if that’s the word, and Hanna loses her clothing piece by piece. When she finally gets to the boss round, she finds a verrrry interesting alpha warlord who makes an offer she doesn’t expect.

This is a quick, fun read, and it reminded me of early pulp sci-fi. Note: “The Alien’s Army” will not change the direction of western literature (in fairness, it doesn’t try to be fancy). One or two lines of dialog are clunkers, but those may have been intentional because they add to the story’s campy charm.

This story is fast-moving and entertaining. The sex is full of interesting details, and I now get the point of becoming a semi-consenting alien spawn point. More than a few women I know would probably sell their house to buy tickets to Planet X, just to meet Hanna’s sexy love interest. His “tool” has the most fabulous add-on you can imagine.

If you don’t think you like tentacles, this is a great story to try. If you DO like tentacles, what are you waiting for? Give it a read!

An actual poster you can buy on eBay.

An actual poster you can buy on eBay!

Review of “Katie-bug” by Joan Defers

Katie-bug

You might remember erotica commentator and author Joan Defers from this blog post of mine where I gush all over her. Sorry for gushing! It’s something I’ve always done.

“Well,” Joan would answer, “you know this ‘gushing’ is really just pee, right?”

To which I’d say, “Shhh! That’s a secret for womankind!”

Anyway, in my blog post post I promised to buy one of her books, Katie-bug and read it all the way through. What nobody expected, even me, is that I would actually do that.

I did. While I’m already on my knees blowing people’s minds, here’s a review of the story.

The short version: Katie-bug could be a reference work for hot-wife / wifeslut / submission  erotica. It deals with the psychology in addition to the machinery. Our heroine, Kate (“Katie-bug”), is utterly modern, identifiable, and relatable. The writing style is from the Hemingway school, minimalist and confident in the reader… but again it’s modern, so maybe Palahniuk is closer.

Read the full sexy review after the jump… Continue reading

In which I squeeeee on Joan Defers

I will never be a cool hipster chick

Awkward hipster girl is awkward

Sure, I aspire to be an edgy and hip writer. Sure, I aspire to be cool. I aspire to have people care about my opinion. I aspire to make this blog a landing pad for smut hipsters.

But I aspire to all this while holding back tears. Because I will never ever ever match the pulsing awesomeness of blogger and erotica writer Joan Defers.

So it was a rare moment of social confirmation when I found that Joan Defers linked to one of my posts! (I didn’t even know this until recently.) Pardon me while I geek out for a second. Squeeeeee! And now, Audio-visual squeee!

Proofer's marks for erotica and erotic romance.

Proofer’s marks for erotica and erotic romance.

This is linked on the JoanDefers.tumblr. I made this illustration right at the beginning of my erotica / blogging career, and I never thought much would come of it. I love reading the comments. 🙂

And good God, have you seen her pioneering erotica blog!?

I break her online presence down like a 2-man tent after the jump.

Continue reading

New Vampire book drops…

The Vampire Gallery book cover

Maria is about to get something in her throat.

If you watched the True Blood teaser on YouTube, you probably saw that the series isn’t coming back until June 16th! That’s forever!! Since when is “June” even a month?

How do you get your sexy vampire fix until then? Easy. Just yesterday my awesome friend Antoinette M‘s next novel came out…

The Vampire’s Gallery is a lusty and decadent erotica novella that brings hope to socially awkward vampire groupies like me. Lonely-but-funny-and-sexy Maria goes on an Internet blind date and accidentally seduces an ancient vampire warlord.

She discovers that the path to true love starts on your knees. (I think we all sort of knew that.) A fabulous read!

“Go ahead and gnaw on me with your new teeth.”

Don’t mind if I do!

This book contains sanguine vampire seductions, M/F/M scenes, waltzing, and light bondage.

Review: A Tale of Two Clitties

September is the new literature!

As I mentioned earlier, this September I had the wonderful chance to edit A Tale of Two Clitties (available for Kindle on Amazon), by the amazing smut writer Antoinette M–. Here is a blog post where Antoinette brags about her dysfunctional launch and promotion process.

For you writers and storytellers—here is an article by Antoinette and me on SmutWriters Magazine: Self-Editing and Exploding Heads. It talks about the tricks and techniques I learned by editing this amazing story. The article has no nudity.

Outcome? I am now named as an editor for A Tale of Two Clitties on Amazon! That’s very flattering… but it also means I can’t really leave an unbiased 5-star review. People will read my review, look at my name on the listing, and cry foul.

Here is the review I’d leave if I could:

I’m Lindsey Flinch Bedder, the captivating author of Trapper and Emmeline — and I’m a little biased because I helped edit this story and I’m listed with the author! I was lucky enough to see the story’s gory birth, follow it through its revisions, and help it grow steadily hotter and truer to its message, until it was mature enough to get me off. (Yes, you just read that.) The message of the story is essentially this: “I am @#!@# hot and you hope you can handle me.”

Even when I read it today, it throws me off balance, because Antoinette never writes the easy scenes that other writers seem to crank out. Like every good lovemaking session, this story skates a fine line between real life and imagination, and you get the best of both worlds.

Antoinette is edgy and awesome (but remember I’m biased). She writes the tough stuff and does it well. Can you like an angry, domineering sex-pot character who humiliates other women? (Can you not like that?) Can you believe a shy housewife with a mind so dirty she can make a biker gang blush? (Get ready to!) This story is packed with explicit, sweaty, hot sex in many gratifying combinations. Let’s just say the characters, by the end of the story, have been fully plumbed. (I mean, they comprehensively f**k to exhaustion.)

Like I said, I helped with the story so take all of this with a grain of salt. I love this story and I’m glad I got to be a part of it.