Carnie Ride on Audiobook

DVD case RENDER

Big news, folks! Have you ever been reading, and suddenly thought, “It’s just too much work to keep moving my eyes back and forth, back and forth, back and forth?”

We listened to your concerns, and we did something about it.

Carnie Ride is out on audiobook! Now you can listen to the story of how small-town Lightie overcomes her fears and embraces life (by embracing Deemer, the epic carnie who can’t tear his eyes off her).

Click here to hear the audio teaser, meet the narrator, recapture your wasted youth.

Shockingly filthy song from 1935

220px-LucilleBogan

One of the tag lines for this blog is “Not your grandma’s erotica”… I might have to change that because of this woman.

Lucille Bogan (1897-1948), aka Bessie Jackson, is one of the first recorded female blues singers. Stop playing with your taxidermy squirrels for once, and come settle on the porch with me. Give this a listen:

I got nipples on my titties,
big as the end of my thumb,
I got somethin’ between my legs’ll
make a dead man come…
— Lucille Bogan, “Shave ‘Em Dry” (1935)

Is your mind blown yet? She’s just getting started:

Now your nuts hang down like a damn bell sapper,
And your dick stands up like a steeple,
Your goddam ass-hole stands open like a church door,
And the crabs walks in like people.
— Lucille Bogan, “Shave ‘Em Dry” (1935)

What happened, America? Where did all our filthy, dirty song lyrics go? When did our crab / nipple / pussy songs suddenly became too risqué? Try singing this song with your kids at the school talent show — you’ll have an eye-opening reaction. That’s one story I’ll never tell again (thanks to my plea bargain).

The full song: