My fave blog paragraph from early June?

“It’s just that author Antoinette M— gets you excited in ways you can’t anticipate… add that to the list of good reasons to keep a supply of goats. So now that you’re turned on and all, let’s tear off the duct tape and see what Antoinette M— says.”

We have it all in this one paragraph: Praising a friend; referencing why we’d need large herds of  goats; implied duct tape bondage.

Antoinette demonstrates the  "Up-deuteronomy" hairstyle. It's described in the 5th book of the Pornteteuch.

Antoinette’s line-drawing portrait demonstrates the
“Up-deuteronomy” hairstyle. It’s described in the 5th book of the Pornteteuch.

This paragraph is in the ‘intro-after-the-intro’ of an interview with Antoinette M—. Yes. NSFW writers are so progressive, we’re even re-imagining the idea of an introduction.

Goes to show, there is no limit to the odd things a NSFW erotica writer can bring into a sentence, once she gives up hope of ever making sense to her readers.

The pre-introduction blog post is here: “…how to slice up lab animals…”

The actual introduction and interview blog post is here: “…She must have an anus of steel…”

CARNIE RIDE: Carnal Carnival Carnie Catharsis story

How is writing like a carnival worker? The more you do, the more you want to do.
This is only because of the heat, ya'll.(Creative commons Maganda DTG on flickr)

This is only because of the heat, ya’ll.
(Creative commons Maganda DTG on flickr)

“In early summer, my mind turns, as it always does, to Carnival Workers. The Summer Carnival Season has arrived in Tennessee. That is the magical time of year when the low-budget traveling fairs that survived their migration through tornado alley finally reach the American South. There, they nest through the warm months, stir up the economy, and impregnate locals….”

This is from the article where I promise to convert a trip to the carnival into an awesome new story. The article was featured on Smutwriter’s Magazine: The Carnival Season of my Writing Soul. And now… here’s that awesome new story!

Carnie Ride

It’s publishing on Amazon as you read this, and already available for Nook and on Smashwords. Learn more…

paperback.pngCan you fix a big mistake by taking a bigger risk?

Lightie’s life is off the rails. Once the toast of her small southern town, Lightie is now an exhausted waitress and a lonely single mother. She’s been responsible for so long, it’s turned into fear of new experiences.

Deemer is the booth worker who can’t tear his gaze away from Lightie when the traveling carnival comes to town. He’s an Apache Indian with a dominating presence, blazing green eyes… and prison tattoos.

On a hot southern night, Lightie and Deemer make an unlikely connection. They’re gun-shy and utterly unalike, but each sees a kindred spirit in the other.

What if your big mistake is what prepares you for true love?

Learn more…

The story has a line about a Tilt-o-Whirl… it’s a reference to a song called “Crackerjack Heart” by southern troubador Cory Branan.

Cory Branan

it’s the way you look in these photographs
i can’t bring myself to throw away
you’re still a rush of color on the tilt-o-whirl
it’s just the background that’s turning gray

Ah… memories! The song is worth a play… full listen.

(Image credit: Creative commons Maganda DTG on flickr.)

Antoinette’s Interview: She gets to talk now

I wrote the introduction to this interview last week (read it!). Like most things Lindsey, the introduction got out of hand.

Funny goat long hair picture

Hey maaaaan. Not cool.
(Picture credit:

Tentacles. Gaypires. Telepaths. French courtiers. Confessions that I’m confused by reality. My circle of friends folding into one meta-friend. I may have slaughtered a goat. I can’t tell for sure until I clean up all this blood.

It’s just that author Antoinette M— gets you excited in ways you can’t anticipate… add that to the list of good reasons to keep a supply of goats. So now that you’re turned on and all, let’s tear off the duct tape and see what Antoinette M— says.

Q1. For most writers, inspiration comes a single place. It could be a general theme or a basic idea, but it leaks in because they’re actually obsessed with it. What drives your writing? What always shows up when you write?

It’s funny, because I’m taking a writing class with Shanna Germain [ed.— This interview was taken in late 2012], and she talks about how editors tend to have their things, and if you read an anthology put together by them, each story will contain this one element. Despite their best efforts, they can’t beat that one kink out of themselves.

For me, it’s probably ass play. Not like “she must have an anus of steel” porno ass play either, but oftentimes gentler stimulation, just some rubbing. In some contexts, buttholes are wonderful things to play with. I think more people would be into ass play if it was presented more as, “Can I touch your asshole?” vs. “Can I put my penis in your ass?”

Vonnegut asshole

Vonnegut enjoyed light ass-play, too. Literary allusion! (Breakfast of Champions.)

I think if you start with the rubbing, you’ll work your way up to, ahem, bigger things. I think I have only one story that lacks ass play. Oddly enough, it’s about two gay men, but it’s their first time together.

As far as inspiration goes, that I just get it from everywhere. My husband complaining about his boss sparked an idea for a dirty story. Watching Bravo’s Real Housewives, sexy scenarios leap out at me. I look at search terms people use to find my blog, and I get story ideas from there.

Q2. You write awesome girl-on-the-street stories with relatable, funny women. But you also write riveting, fully-realized supernatural stories. In the Smutwriter’s Short Smut Vol 1 Anthology (free on Smashwords!), you connect both worlds with a story called “Internet Dating Bites.” Your poor heroine is going to be a Vampire’s after-dinner snack until she finds a way to turn things around (is there anything a BJ can’t do?). Which do you enjoy writing more—real-life stories, or supernatural stories?

Both. I’ve found I’ve gotten stuck in writing things, but I don’t think I’ve ever written anything that I didn’t enjoy. Each have different elements to play with. When I’m writing something more realistic, I can draw heavily on my own experiences. The apartment described in Love on the 500 was my studio. Notice how my women tend to have cluttered apartments? There’s a reason for that.

With paranormal stories, you get to write your own mythologies. “Internet Dating Bites” started as short piece, but expanded into a novelette. I got to make up how vampires work, and how werewolves are created. I asked myself, “Are vampires static, do they change?” I decided that yes, vampires made a very long time ago are different from vampires made today. Working with stories like this is in some ways like writing a sonnet. The restrictions help you to be more creative.

Working with stories like this is in some ways like writing a sonnet. The restrictions help you to be more creative.

Q3. I couldn’t stop laughing at some of the scenes in your story. Do you think humor has a place in erotica, or does it merely distract from the sexiness? When people “get down to business” with each other, they get serious and intent—and so do the readers.

I’m asking for myself. I can’t not use a joke, but I always have to be careful not to ruin the mood. What is the sexiest undercurrent for a story—Humor? Danger? Arousal? Lab work?

The Vampire's Gallery, by Antoinette M—

“That’s not why I’m crying,” I said. “Honestly, if I didn’t get eaten by a vampire, I’d just end up falling down the stairs, or getting hit by a bus, or something stupid.” I sniveled on his chest, staining his clean shirt with snot and tears. “It’s just, I haven’t gotten laid since college, that’s five years. Fuck man, that’s no way to go.”

He let me go, threw his head back, and just howled. He held his sides and chortled.

“Great, even better, my murderer is laughing in my face.” As his peals of laughter washed over me, my head cleared, and I leapt for the door.

Jamie was faster. “You’re not escaping.”

I scowled at him.

“Now that we’re done with this nonsense, are you ready to die?”

“No.” I dropped to my knees, tore open his pants, and stuffed his flaccid cock in my mouth.

“Oh,” he said.

(From The Vampire’s Gallery)

It’s funny that you mention humor. People were discussing ridiculous ways people describe gentalia in my smut writers class, and someone mentioned a man’s member being described as a Coke can, which she thought was absurd.

I said to myself, “OMG, I did that in one of my stories, why did I do that?”

It was because I wanted to interject a little humor into the situation. In the case of “Internet Dating Bites” I think it was important because Jamie is threatening Maria’s life, and the story is supposed to be more sexy than scary. The humor helps to keep it sexy, because it keeps the tone light. We’re not thinking about how she’s going to die, but rather that she seems to be taking the whole thing rather well. —And really, a Coke can? If she’s completely terrified, it’s just not going to work with the storyline of them being together.

Jamie isn’t helping things either. She manages this confession, and then he starts laughing at her. His reaction to her advances is decidedly tepid. She keeps going anyway.

I have another story with darker elements, where the character is afraid, but it works there. He’s been kidnapped, he’s stuck in a cave, and this weird alien wants in his pants. I think even one of your vibrant bouncy girls would whine about it. Humor (other than biting sarcasm) wouldn’t work there.

Geordilovescthulhu antoinettem 600x900

Wins “Best Cover for Story Least Likely to Work, But Totally Does”

That was the story where I finally learned to spell “Cthulhu.” It was like graduating college. (I had one remaining elective, and I chose gay dubious-consent tentacle sex romance.)

Whatever undertone a story has, it to fit that narrative. Your stories are delightfully light-hearted. Humor is the perfect pairing for them. A serious undertone, one of horror, something melancholy, would be awkward and unnatural. Jocular, flippant, breezy, works for you.

Q4. So what is the main thing that you see in your stories, which you think could be your main message? What should people pull out of your erotica, and your characters?

Anal is awesome, and you don’t have to be all up in there. Gentle, non-penetrative touches are also nice. So are literary allusions. I hope to provide a stimulating experience for both mind and body.

What’s coming up next from Antoinette M—… can you give us a preview of the next six months? And what is one of your long range dream projects?

Wandering into the wonderful world of m/m, with Geordi Loves Cthulhu, which should be out soon [Ed. —It’s out! It’s great!]. It’s a dubious consent sci-fi story. Another story I have coming out is Soda and Lime, which has been so much fun to work on.

I was lucky enough to see early versions of Soda and Lime. It’s a world so immersive, it has its own Pinterest boards! Here’s the sneak preview of Soda and Lime from Antoinette M—’s blog, and here’s the Soda and Lime pinterest for my favorite city, The Big Apple! Keep an eye out for this book when it launches.

Thank you, Antoinette M—, for sitting down with us! Hug-hug. Oops. Goat blood.

Anyway, when Antoinette M—‘s next book drops, I know I’ll gush about it on this blog, so stay tuned! Thanks for reading!

Vampires and Tentacles and Sex, Oh My!

This was going to be my introduction to an interview, but it turned into a whole blog post! What kept me gushing?

Local Woman Stalked by Telepathic Coven--And LOVES it!! (Pictured: Not me being stalked.)

Local Woman Stalked by Telepathic Coven–And LOVES it!!
(Pictured: Not me being stalked.)

Last summer, I dove into erotica writing and ebook publishing. It’s a large and fascinating world, full of prolific, funny, and sexy writers.

For the first few wonderful weeks, I corresponded with a bevy of diverse and fascinating women. Let’s call them by their initials, AM, RR, JM, and URK. The more we talked, the more these women merged into a single fascinating woman in my mind. I would pick up a conversation with RR where I left off with JM, and then I’d bring AM into it.

I do this with everybody in my life, but with AM, RR, JM, and URK, it actually worked! I don’t remember what I thought was going on… telepathic coven? Whatevs. Bring it. When it comes to making friends, I’m about level with Nancy Grace… yet now I finally had a social circle of my own. Awesome. 

If I’d been paying attention, I would have known that AM, RR, JM, and URK are actually one person, not a fabulously supportive coven. It wasn’t exactly a secret.


So… Meet Antoinette M—, an author so diverse, interesting, and well-informed, she’ll make you feel like an underachiever if you only have two split personalities.

On her blog, Antoinette covers beer, meatloaf, etiquette and sex among French courtiers, GMOs and science-y stuff, how to slice up lab animals (not gonna link it), more beer, romantic dog-park meet-ups, hard-boiled Vampire noir, serial free smut stories, and her adventures in smut publishing.

Wondering how she relaxes? That’s right. She fucking writes more. Antoinette is a fabulous editor and beta reader, and she chronicles her journey into the art and craft of writing at, a blog-collective she helped found.

Some of Antoinette’s work…

Geordilovescthulhu antoinettem 600x900

Wins “Best Cover for Story Least Likely to Work, But Totally Does”

Antoinette writes closely-observed, character-driven erotica about gropers, dominance, M/M, M/F, tentacles, vampires, and gaypires. When it comes to erotica, she has more enthusiasm, skill, and experience than a sorority house full of nymphomaniacs. And she’s easier to tell apart.

Antoinette’s story A Tale of Two Clitties puts the “Dick” in Dickens. I talk about it here. The plot is a wall-to-wall f***k-fest walking around in the literary equivalent of a sling bikini… and it keeps dropping things in front of you and bending over. You want to lend a hand, but your hand is already busy.

Then there’s the freshly-released A Vampire’s Gallery, already five stars on Amazon. I devoured it front-to-back in beta, and I’m late writing a review of it.

I also love Geordi Loves Cluthu, which has about as understated a cover as a gay alien tentacle porn abduction erotica story can possibly have. This cover should win an award. What you can’t tell when you buy the book, is that the tentacle is about to slap some sexy into you. This is the first M/M story I read that made me go MMMMMMMM. Antoinette brings you out of your comfort zone, and you never want to go back.

The Interview

That’s a lot of info about this energetic, up-and-coming eroti-dramatrix… but if you’re like me, you wonder about Antoinette M— the property.

  • What does she eat?
  • How do science and fantasy collide in her life?
  • Where is her writing taking her?
  • How big is her dog?
  • Is that just a euphemism?

Stay tuned for my invasive questioning, coming Monday!