Review: The Alien’s Army: Alien Egg Implantation

Short story review: The Alien's Army: Alien Egg Implantation, by Sierra Chambers.

Short story review: The Alien’s Army: Alien Egg Implantation, by Sierra Chambers.

Premise 1: I’ve always been something of a sci-fi connaisseur, except that I can’t spell that word. Just sound it out, and you’ll know what I’ve always been something of.

Premise 2: Erotica is the great under-acknowledged steam engine of ebook sales on Amazon. This means that the humble erotica author is driving our society toward a technological golden age. We contribute less to technology adoption than the porn industry, but more than, say, technically enabled husbands of hotwives.

So when the erotic supply lines firm up for Google Glass, erotica writers will be somewhere around #2 or #3 in terms of making it a mass market product. Everybody will buy a Google Glass, but they’ll make dumb-ass justifications while secretly downloading gigabytes of porn and stories. Nobody will acknowledge this. All we’ll see from the other side of the glasses are heaving breasts or a giant erection, while the wearer claims to be playing Candy Crush.

Review

Because I love sci-fi, I picked up “The Alien’s Army: Alien Egg Implantation” by Sierra Chambers. Because I like supporting hardworking erotica authors, here’s a quick review!

“The Alien’s Army: Alien Egg Implantation” is billed as a tentacle / implantation / instant pregnancy story, which is not my thing, so I wasn’t sure if I’d like it. I totally liked it. Maybe tentacles are my thing. The story itself is fast and readable at 5,000 words; you can finish it in an afternoon, though you might find yourself taking a break in the middle to cool off. The story packs a nice wallop, with implantation, pregnancy, egg-laying, and not one but two different kinds of tentacle adventures. All of it culminating in the sci-fi version of an alpha-male/billionaire romance.

Hanna Winters is a futuristic Lara Croft-type mercenary who takes the dangerous jobs nobody else can handle. Unfortunately for Hanna, nobody’s hiring at the moment, and her overdue bills are piling up. So when a mysterious alien flunkie offers her a million crowns to travel to a distant planet and meet its boss for a job, she has to agree. She knows something is “off” with the offer, but she figures she can handle it.

Jump-cut to the planet, where things quickly go wrong. The natives are very “friendly”, if that’s the word, and Hanna loses her clothing piece by piece. When she finally gets to the boss round, she finds a verrrry interesting alpha warlord who makes an offer she doesn’t expect.

This is a quick, fun read, and it reminded me of early pulp sci-fi. Note: “The Alien’s Army” will not change the direction of western literature (in fairness, it doesn’t try to be fancy). One or two lines of dialog are clunkers, but those may have been intentional because they add to the story’s campy charm.

This story is fast-moving and entertaining. The sex is full of interesting details, and I now get the point of becoming a semi-consenting alien spawn point. More than a few women I know would probably sell their house to buy tickets to Planet X, just to meet Hanna’s sexy love interest. His “tool” has the most fabulous add-on you can imagine.

If you don’t think you like tentacles, this is a great story to try. If you DO like tentacles, what are you waiting for? Give it a read!

An actual poster you can buy on eBay.

An actual poster you can buy on eBay!

Free eBook: “Teasing for the Team”

A shy, geeky girlfriend transforms into a sexy soccer babe to help her boyfriend’s career.

Gidget pits herself against a famous Victoria’s Secret underwear model in a contest to see which can get the most attention at a 2014 Soccer World Cup game.

3D-cover-copyGidget is a sexy, nerdy young woman who loves soccer. She joins her boyfriend on a business trip to Rio de Janeiro, planning to attend the Belgium vs. Korea World Cup Match while she’s there.

The trip turns sour when her boyfriend’s promotion is suddenly in jeopardy. His wealthy, eccentric boss complains that Belgium doesn’t have any gorgeous soccer babes in the stands this year. He boss thinks a friendly competition between Gidget and another girlfriend can fix this problem. Whichever girlfriend can be the sexiest soccer babe on the Belgian side of the stadium will win a promotion for her boyfriend.

Gidget secretly likes receiving male attention, so she’s willing to compete. Unfortunately, her adversary is none other than Aohhao, the famous Victoria’s Secret underwear model from Hawaii. Gidget will have to work very hard to eclipse this popular sex symbol!

The soccer game is an exhibitionist’s dream come true: The more Gidget escalates, the more excited she gets, and the closer she comes to winning the contest.

This 9000-word erotica story features soccer babes who try to outdo each other for attention. The story has themes of teasing, showing off, physical displays of affection, exhibitionism, a public orgasm, and even groping by a crowd. Gidget’s adventure is not for the shy or faint of heart!

Grab it now!

So, what’s Ursine?

Are you feeling trashy? Because that’s how you attract bears.

As featured on The Elegant Criminal Society tumblr: In 1976, an acclaimed Canadian author named Marian Engel wrote an award-winning novel.

“This time, it’s not the bear that gets stuffed.”

This is a real goddamn thing. You can buy it on Amazon, where it has a classy new cover and it’s blurbed by none other than Margaret Atwood:

Bear is a strange and wonderful book,
plausible as kitchens, but shapely as a folktale,
and with the same disturbing resonance.

–Margaret Fucking Atwood

Are you interested in reading about one woman’s bizarre and healing relationship with a bear? Then you’ll love my new ebook about a hot chick showing off at the 2014 FIFA World Cup. Just kidding, you won’t.

Tonight I’m going to pathetically reproduce this scene with the chewed-up Panda Plushie that I steal from my dog.

I thought I was bringing the weird with my fetish erotic romance novella Yellow Summer. Now I know I didn’t bring nearly enough weird. No wonder Marian Engel is the acclaimed author, and I’m making bear jokes.

Kudos to for J.L. Sage for posting this treasure in the SmutWriter community’s discussion board! Sage is a writer, check out her shifter story “Fondling the Frat Boy“.

How to write futbol-sploitation

“I live a sheltered life that revolves around paperwork, family, and depraved dumpster sex, so I wasn’t aware that the 2014 FIFA Soccer World Cup is running in Brazil.”

(My new how-to article about futbol-sploitation and other erotica tie-ins is live on Smutwriters! Read it here!)

Sideboob to end all sideboob

Nominated for Emmeline’s posse! A short scene from who-knows-where: A sexy, showy sylph strides through a shopping mall wearing a crazy tank-top. This may have started as a creeper video, but by the end she’s twirling for the camera.

It is sideboob to end all sideboob (no naughty bits are shown).

She’s on her way to some kind of madcap adventure with a slightly loopy smile on her face. She’s already collecting attention, and the adrenaline rush puts a loose sway in her walk. Before the end of the night, she will have inspired a hundred men to wish they were stronger-smarter-richer-better-braver. Before the end of the night, a rock band will write a song about her. She’s the muse in the mall.

Women like Emmeline are out there in the world, stalking your libido in short-shorts.

 

(Via http://xhamster.com/movies/2042792/braless.html.)